Anytime an old colleague of mine was asked what he did for a living, he replied that he was a garbage man. It always flabbergasted me that he wouldn’t tell people what he really did. Private investigators have pretty cool jobs; at least, that is what I always thought.
So I asked him.
“I got tired of explaining to people what I did,” he told me.
I know what he means. The first three things that people typically ask when they find out what I do are (1) “Do you carry a gun?” (I don’t and have never even owned a gun); (2) “Do you do surveillance?” (Haven’t done that in more than 10 years); and (3) “How often do you catch cheating spouses?” (Haven’t done that in more than 10 years either).
Most people like to think that private investigators dig around trash cans, coerce confessions, spy around dark alleys or hack into computers, along with a plethora of other shady stuff.
While some investigators may carry guns, do surveillance and catch cheating spouses, I don’t.
What we really do is provide clients with information that will help them make informed decisions or avoid costly ones.
But that’s pretty boring.
So in an effort to be a little less boring, I’ve started telling people that I find shit they can’t.
Simple. Straightforward. Accurate. And to the point.